I’m a sucker for the airport arrivals hall. What a hotbed of emotions they are.
After the impersonal experience of a long, sticky charter flight, isn’t it great to witness up close the more intimate, soul-refreshing scenes of family and friends being reunited?
On my travels this year alone, I’ve eavesdropped on:
- The Latvian grandmother greeted so eagerly by her daughter and grandson (they’d got me at “Mama, Mama”)
- The mother hot off the Krakow flight into Stansted receiving the most beautiful bunch of pink roses from her beaming son
- And the young man and his girlfriend at Václav Havel being hugged and kissed – near smothered – by adoring parents.
It was so wonderful. Inane grin, tears forming . . . I just couldn’t help myself.
Yet I remember being much younger and laughing at my Dad when he got a bit emotional about emotions. Remember that programme, This is Your Life? That scene at the end where they reunited the celebrity with a long lost family member? It got to him every time, and I’d just giggle – probably a little embarrassed by my Dad crying in front of me. For cry he did.
And now it’s happening to me.
I’m not afraid to show emotions, though of course, I know that sometimes I have to keep it in check. It wouldn’t do for me to leak in front of a client I’m coaching, or to burst into tears of happiness too frequently at work. (And oh, the power of those little emoticons – if I knew which one it was, I’d choose one right now that summed up that last sentence much better than my words ever could.)
But I do know this: it’s good to be able to tap into your emotions, and to reveal them when appropriate. And over time, with an increased self-awareness, and many opportunities to reflect, this is what I’ve learnt:
- That there aren’t too many rules about when emotions will hit; I’ll feel how I feel
- That I can make a choice about how I react to the emotion I’m currently feeling – and I can choose to exert control about what I reveal, how I behave
- That it’s OK to say, “I’m angry”
- That no one else can make me feel the way I feel – it’s me who’s in charge of my own emotions
- That sharing my emotions with others can be a sign of strength.
And something else I’ve learnt (often from seeing people get it so wrong) . . . as a manager, as a leader, it’s essential to be able to show people that you care.
That you care about them being in danger of losing their job due to restructuring or redundancy; that you express some empathy for them when they’re unsuccessful in their latest promotion bid; that you are concerned for them when they say they’re unwell or unhappy.
That you can show some emotion in the right place, at the right time, in the right way.
- A leader who suppresses their emotions might find it hard to achieve that moment of self-actualisation that they’re searching for . . . to feel whole, to feel fulfilled
- A leader who suppresses emotions will be found out, without a doubt, by the people who work for them
- And a leader who suppresses emotions might not be seen as human
ChristineWilkinsonCoaching 